three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
as a side note pls kill me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
