The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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