i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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