I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
farters have to be the big spoon...
Small penises have feelings too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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