the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
