You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
