I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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