I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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