She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
