2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
