I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
