It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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