My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
