you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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