dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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