I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
