oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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