Soap is not a condiment
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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