Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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