I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
