I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
