I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
as a side note pls kill me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
