It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
