went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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