WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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