you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Let's paint friendship bongs
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
