I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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