If that was your dad, he is hot
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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