I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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