i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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