why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
