The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
