every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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