can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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