apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
