I want to have your abortion
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
