Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
