Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
