i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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