I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
