apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize