Do you still have your period?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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