then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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