ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
