Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
