Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
