Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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