Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
