Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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