Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
