Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I will be naked everywhere
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
