I swear she didn't look like that last week.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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