I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
