I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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