come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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