life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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