so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
