Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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