i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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