i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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