i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
