remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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