how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
