theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
