I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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