He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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