Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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