May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
