So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
