I skipped work to stalk him.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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