I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's how pantless uber rides happen