Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story