dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.