everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
