We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?