why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...