I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.